Monday, February 2, 2009

watching porn

watching porn
I don’t know. Yesterday late at night, not in a quiet so normal state of mind, the porn was not so bad, I think that the only porn I had ever seen before was when I was around sixteen in a room full of guys, watching one of their first porns, and me and my friends walked in.
Now it isn’t so shocking, and I didn’t find it to be disgusting, just weird. The tattoos were fake. They were just in and out fucking. Penis in a hole. It was on the screen and everyone who was with me was watching it in the background. With different music on as an alternative soundtrack. My friends think nothing strange of it, that I say today I am going to watch porn it’s just part of my project
It was really strange to walk into the store and to choose porn, three for ten and all the boxes almost the same. A friend came with me to buy them because I was so uncomfortable, and I knew the clerk at the store.
I hate shaved vaginas.
I have no idea how to feel about this. I realize I have to watch it a bit more to…… I guess…..
Can’t I just go back to reading baudrillard talking about porn…. About the obscenity of the overdone image. Never really having watched porn before my sexuality and how I relate to it has not been directly effected by it. But now I feel as though it could be an image in the background, appearing in so many other forms, that affects all sexual relations. I know it has happened in relationships, that people wanted to do something, which they saw in a porno. Baudrillard is right, this is not sex, but over sex, it become obscenity, a not real, over real which haunts that which is not an image.
The image becomes abstract after a while. Writing and watching at the same time……
A colleague of mine said to me that he is no longer able to masturbate to orgasm without porn.
In one of the porns they only show the face and body of the woman and not at all the man.
So many people, and I will generalize mostly men, watch, consume porn. It does not ignite my fantasy, it shuts it off
And it gets really boring after a while….

Should I imagine everyone I see on the street fucking? Who can I even identify with in these things, the body object….. I prefer that my sex life is not like that….

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