Sunday, February 8, 2009

shaving my head

I went to the flea market today and bought five small things. I watched the sunset over the harbor of NDSM, while drinking mint tea, looking at the usless objects, which I would never have otherwise bought, all of them one euro or less.
I came home and something happened. I hijacked my own project. I went upstairs, took the electric shaver, and barely thinking began to shave my head. Now I have a shaved head! I looked in the mirror and screamed!
Hair is about identity. Maybe I am starting over. But my rationalization for doing it was quite twisted. I thought I would look less intimidating, which clearly is not true. I know there is some sort of energy in me that makes me come off as intimidating to people who don't know me. I consider myself a strong person.....but I am at the same time soft and someway innocent. I think perhaps I look more intimidating. Maybe I do look soft and approachable
My hair is gone. I feel ambivalent. I am going out to a ska concert tonight. I am going to dance. People who look at me will perceive me differently. I will find out how I feel in this.

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