Monday, February 23, 2009

watching cartoons

video

I am sick. It is cold. I wish that I was not sick. I wish that it was not cold. I wish that my paycheck would have arrived already. I would go to a sauna. I am going to stay in bed. I am going to watch cartoons. I mostly hate cartoons; I do not understand why animations move. I do not like animations. I like people in images, fleshy people.
To bed I go with the blankets and the cartoons, my sore eyes and runny nose.
I fell asleep during the first cartoon. I was tired. I pushed pause and gave over to the senses of my body, an almost sleep, a sleep when I am not tired. Many people are sick, I am trying to be aware of my body; today my body was very very tired.
Still I don’t like cartoons, I don’t like diversion….. I watched and M. watched to. She loves cartoons. I can never help but insult people by my refusal to consume. Always if a cartoon is on I will walk away. Usually if a movie is on I will walk away.
I still dislike animation, I still dislike media. Afterwards, bed, movie, I had a lot of energy, because my energy was for hours suppressed. But I was fighting sickness; I try to excuse myself, for not being on fire, for not doing something hard. But two hours after I woke I felt like I would die, and the wind blew, and I could not bear to leave, the house, I was so weak.
Later after sleeping and cartoons my energy returned, but it was odd, I was not behaving normal. I wanted everyone to look at me. And I was looking at them as though they were movies…..laugh track now…..
Everyone has something to say about cartoons and the ones they loved, you know, childhood, the first infiltration of the image. I do not remember image, I remember photographs..… my own,….a non moving image with emotion….
I can predict what will happen. I want an unhappy ending. I want reality.

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