Tuesday, February 3, 2009

making a myspace page

I don’t have a myspace page. Ok I do, but I only have two friends. I can still remember the days in my life when I swore that I would never own a MP3 player, when I tried instead of giving out my telephone number, to give out my address, and requested that people throw rocks at my window and visit me.
Having a virtual identity….. It is the playful and often flawless mirror image which represents the self, the virtual I, moving in a different realm.
I have resisted my space for to long, because I prefer the meeting in time and space to the virtual meeting. Myself as an image which is physically present. I would prefer to think of myself as being not ever an image….but….
So I am going to bring my hard drives, upload some pictures and try to make as many friends as possible on myspace. I feel silly and superficial. To try to create my virtual image…

Another note on the porn, last night as I was trying to fall asleep I could not get the image of vaginas, penis’s, and rectums out of my head. In fact it made me feel like I maybe I should be having sex myself…
It is very difficult to even find an image which corresponds to how I feel about myself. I want the one J. has of me and the pumpkin, but today I do not want to look soft. I want to be tough. My virtual image should be me as tougher than I am.
how the fuck do I pick a word to describe my mood, I am scanning all the words trying to find one which I can identify with myself as feeling at this moment, handsome, high, happy, hopeful, horny. Why isn't stupid one of the adjectives. I feel stupid. Tough neither, since I want to pretend that I am tough
How do I find a song?
I am not cool enough for this.....
I really fucking hate trying to fill out boxes about myself, I will try to write things I actually like, rather than going on my whole anti media rant

So now I have some friends on my space, and a part of me feels satisfied, and happy that with just a click of a button, someone “claims” me as a friend. I only contacted people I know. And there is also the piece of me which thinks, maybe that with myspace I can keep connected to people. People from the past. I also wonder how my relatives will react to the fact that I list drinking whiskey under my interests and for sexuality answer “don’t know” ah privacy. What privacy? I have caught up with part of the world
Now three hours later as I post this I have ten friends.....
wow and people wrote me messages....I guess I am a bit strange, that I find people writing me messages strange....

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