Thursday, February 5, 2009

dancing by myself

It is difficult on days where I have a lot to do and a lot of plans, to find an activity, which fits into my day. For example today I have three different appointments in three different parts of the city. The only thing that I feel like I can do for most of the day is to try to dance as much as possible. I can dance before I cook, dance a bit in the few hours in between. Dance for ten minutes after the meeting, dance to the music in the background of the bar where I take Dutch classes, move in a sort of dance while walking. Dance in the five minutes between activities. I think I will end up feeling awake and happy. I think I will end up feeling physically tired.

This was a bit difficult to do. To dance by myself, to dance in the middle of day. The house is set up so that people from the living room can look out into the big hall. And in the first period of time they were in the hall with me!
The first fifteen minutes I could barely move, then slowly over time I became more comfortable and was able to move. I feel like that when I am dancing around other people it is a little bit easier to change the rhythm and pattern of my movements, because I pick up on there patterns of other people.
It is interesting that I have to get over something inside of myself before I begin to move, as though there is an internal censor which says, “no wait….you don’t dance by yourself, sober, in the middle of the day.”

After language classes and a meeting, I felt frustrated and not so alive. I chose not to go out. Later I went to my room I turned on the music and I danced. The dancing was like all of the emotions moving through me. I expressed, and now I will go to bed calm.
I was dancing also, halfway, on my bike on the way to the city to go to class. I felt alive and as though the world should also be pulsing with energy.
At the practical, and important meeting, I think I was irritated because I thought, there is too much to organize and not enough time to be. I was irritated because I had to add two more things to my schedule for next week., and I am so enjoying this project that I wish I could be farther away from it all.

I reaffirm a conclusion, which I already knew. Dancing is good for me.

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