Sunday, February 15, 2009

Everything as Seduction

I want to try to do something abstract
I am scared to make contact with eyes, and at this moment, I cannot affirm. I try to make my eyes meet other eyes. I try to go inside of things which I see. I am not talking about sex, when I talk about seduction, but rather an invitation to a meeting, an invitation to a game, an invitation to sense. I need to invite myself to my own sense.
They eyes are floating, the eyes are seeking. What happened so far? The bartender gave me four beers for much cheaper and asked where I was from. I moved among people and my movement was loose and ever aware of eyes, which were on me.
Seduction requires the desire to pull something towards oneself. To use the eyes and the body language to navigate and negotiate the surroundings and play with the borders.
I attempted to seduce my broken bicycle, to relate to it as something in a way that it became a seductive object, a beautiful machine. I was able to the handle the complicated procedure of opening and closing the chain, which I have never managed before, by relating to how the pieces needed to be handled.
In the end I realise it is not really successful to do something abstract, and related more to feeling. Maybe I am a better waitress, and better at fixing bikes, and more comfortable in my own skin …. I can shift the energy in my own head, but I cannot shift the energy of the people around me, the moods and gazes that don’t match mine, that feel hardened and lacking joy lead to me stopping trying to seduce, to avoid eyes, to no longer try to move my body to the music. I went home and tried to feel seductive alone in my bed, but I fell asleep.

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